Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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