Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
