i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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