dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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