Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
