This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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