The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
