Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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