have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.