I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said her name was "party"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.