1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
