he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that