Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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