shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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