Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
