in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i think my cat just said my name.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
