he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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