My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
