I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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