I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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