I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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