I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
