420 ftw
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
