would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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