guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
