these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
