She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
