I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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