The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is my gift to your gina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
