this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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