dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
