Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
