I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
