I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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