Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm passing your future prison.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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