Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
