YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
