A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you still have your period?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
