Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
