hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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