u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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