Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
