We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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