at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
