I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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