So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
