If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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