i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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