'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
