Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
