he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
