i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize