peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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