Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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