it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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