Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish you could order shots online.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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