More tranny stories later!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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