dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
