I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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