At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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