He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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