she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
