I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
