This is not my ceiling
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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