i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
