Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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