I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
