awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
