porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
