How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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