just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
