I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
