Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
