I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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