Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
